Rachel Golub   
Improbable Partnering:  Final Paper
TA-128.39 Chris Elam
5/10/05

A Luscious Lovefest of Lifting!

            I’ve learned a lot this semester and made so much good progress physically and mentally.  I couldn’t be happier that I took this class.  I’m in better physical shape than I was at the beginning of the semester, and it’s invaluable to my life.  Now, from this perspective of being in better shape, I feel like I can do anything I want to in the world.  This is why I have to keep dancing.  My endorphins are going and my body feels strong, capable, and alive. 
            Part of what has made this happen was your pushing us, Chris.  You don’t settle for people not honestly giving their all to this work, and it’s paid off for me because I did push myself very hard.  It was really hard at the beginning, or when we wouldn’t meet for two weeks, to get back into the swing of pushing myself hard, but once you made me, a few days later, I’d be beaming, and so happy that you did that.  During those days in class when you made us lift with all of our strength and power I was exhausted, but as I did that day after day, I started to get strong and my attitude was more positive and I felt like not only could I physically lift people or run with them, etc., but I was so strong that I could have a lot of fun doing it, because the strength was beginning to be second nature, or just part of the process.
            Your teaching/this class has been very important for me.  I struggle with depression and cyclical ups and downs that can be debilitating, but getting up every day (particularly toward the end of our work, during tech and the week leading up to it), when I had a schedule and I knew I needed to be there to dance, changed my outlook and my everyday experience.  I didn’t feel paralyzed anymore when I was moving and sweating and pushing myself.  Like I said, also, when I started to really build up strength, not only was I sweating and working hard, but I was laughing at the same time, out of sheer joy that I was with the people in our class being funny, silly, honest, and interacting.  When body is a well-oiled tool, I can use it to communicate with people, and that form of communication is intriguing and essential to me.  You also helped me get into the American Dance Festival and I am SO excited, and I’m going to update you and let you know how I’m doing.  This is a really good next step for me.
            Back to the piece:  things audience members mentioned to me after our show opened new ideas in my head about this class.  Someone said they liked the vocabulary that you created, Chris.  Another said it was so honest.  Another said it was so moving and so profoundly sad.  Another couldn’t stop smiling and feeling gleeful while she watched and she’s hugged me every time she’s seen me.  Another said it was like we were in another world, but all in it together.  These ideas enriched my experience of what it meant that we all worked on this piece all semester and then presented it. 
            I had a friend say to me the other day that the reason theatre (specifically acting, but I apply it to dance too) is legitimately work (and not just a lazy fun time) is because we actually have to work very hard at the craft - so that we really hone the skills of being funny, or capable of fantastic feats, or capable of speaking complicated language - so that the audience can sit back, relax, be entertained, and moved.  That’s what we’ve done with this piece.  We’ve worked hard to really build the skills so they look effortless to us, so people can be entertained and moved, without them having to do that work.  So, that’s how this applies to the outside world for me.
            A really important thing I’ve taken from this class and from your style of performance is that honesty and earnestness on stage resonates deeply with people.  I’ve been in a lot of acting performances that weren’t nearly as fresh as this piece, or as moving.  It seemed too planned.  You’ve shown me that a performance can always be new if you keep it earnest.  But, one question:  do you, as the performer, always have to FEEL earnest, and honest, and truly be having those reactions, to show them on stage?  What if your head isn’t there that day?  What do you do about that?  Are you destined for a bad performance if you’re in the wrong sort of mood?  I ask because I struggle with so much depression that affects my moods day to day.  In acting, I’ve had teachers tell me that you don’t have to feel a certain way in order to portray it.  They say the important part is that the audience understand what you’re doing.  The way you do this is you build up skills which allow you to portray those reactions and emotions more easily, so you’ve got easy access to them, and you can therefore, move an audience emotionally/psychologically to the desired place (the direct wants them to go to, etc.).  What about dance?  How does this work for you in dance?  Why do you dance?
            Another thing I’ve learned from you is how amazing partnering and lifting is.  I worked so hard during those days in class when we were learning that stuff and it was exhilarating to experience that with everyone else.  I learned I could do things I never thought I could do, and other people really enjoyed seeing that happen on stage.  How do I keep up with this skill?  Lift my friends?  Another question about improv - sometimes I don’t have a starting point for improv... I don’t know who I’m doing it for.  I don’t know how much my experience matters, and how much the experience of the audience matters.  This is the actor in me speaking:  in acting, people always talk about the AUDIENCE’S experience because that’s the most important thing (for a director, usually).  Why do you do improv?  Who are you doing it for?  This class has opened these questions in my mind. 
            Another cool thing about this class is that you showed me that dance and acting can coexist.  I worried before that movement and acting couldn’t really be pursued at the same time, but your work is character-based, sometimes narrative based, and you incorporate elements of acting and dance, traditional and nontraditional (and taking from different cultures) in your work.  That’s so encouraging.  Thank you, Chris, for believing in me, and telling me that I could do what I thought I couldn’t.  You pushed me physically, and you taught me how to love the ensemble I work with.  You taught me to have fun and be honest on stage, while still caring and working on your skills and always trying harder than you did last time.