Bend Your Body and You’ll Bend Your Mind

Twisting into contorted silhouettes, climbing along another’s spine as if I were mounting the highest peak of the Himalayas and filling the space with sometimes irrational exuberance, I discovered that movement is pregnant with rich, unexcavated thought. I discovered that every reach strives to communicate and every touch seeks to understand; that every movement endows the body but also the mind with a sensibility and a distinct emotion. I discovered these thrilling new revelations while dancing with Chris Elam and his improbable partners. Throughout our course, Improbable Partnering and Exceptional Physical Interactions: Movement for Dancers and Actors, I have grown by seeing raw opportunity being crafted. I view our piece as a symbol of hopeful opportunity, an expose of moments, showing that life is comprised of trillions of seconds of searching, an optimistic exploration for connection. Dancing in the piece and watching Elam mold bodies, I have begun to further understand the limitless horizon of my body’s physical capabilities. But more importantly I have begun to realize that life is bursting with unbounded opportunities for true connection, opportunities that come and go in an instant.

On a theatrical level, working on the piece has expanded and pushed my conceptions of what makes stimulating theater and dance. I must admit that because the piece’s style of movement is unconventional, there were times when I was nervous about how the piece would materialize and how people would respond to it. I remember thinking that modern dance is already pretty hard to swallow for some viewers, who are frustrated by the fact they can not identify a lucid storyline like in a ballet, and that our work is so fresh and eccentric that they might dislike it. However, I realized that analyzing possible audience perceptions was a fruitless and harmful waste of time and I began to focus more on my role within the work. Once I focused from within and stopped observing the piece from the outside, I experience a true breakthrough. I think for the first time I truly understood that art is equally about the process of creation than it is about the final product. I questioned frequently. What defines art? What defines good art? What makes art leave an indelible mark on someone’s life? I have not come up with concrete answers to these questions but I know that this process has helped me begin to fervently ponder these important philosophical issues. Also, I am excited to think that these questions will follow me and guide me though my life journey as an artist.

Although I have not come up with concrete answers, this experience has helped me to come up with theories about art. One of the principle theories that I have been thinking about involves the art that no one really sees, the back-story of the artistic process. I have begun to feel sorry for those who do not create or for those who do not have the opportunity to work with someone as they create something. Watching Elam choreograph new movement became tantamount to watching a newborn deer as it struggles to stand and take its first steps, a grippingly expectant and organic process. It was intriguing and heartbreakingly beautiful to watch Elam explain the soul of his movement because it was so clear that the only way he could express himself and grant us with the ability to express ourselves was though this bizarre physical language. For me the piece became reflective of the process and the people working on the piece. Here we are, all students of diverse backgrounds and differing dance training, working to delve into this physical essay of sorts. There were moments of struggle – we questioned what the movement meant, our relationship to each other and our relationship to the movement itself. As we struggled to understand our place in this imaginative world, we discovered our role in the actual world, our role as friends and support systems for each other. It was such a touching creative experience for me that I came to feel so sorry for those who could only see the final product.

But then I realized that in that product you can see all the work. I believe that the piece came out as well as it did because it shows the journey we took together. It is a piece that has its heart out and open. Thus, while I guiltily pity those who couldn’t be in the process, I have realized that perhaps one definition for good art is art that shows a journey and lets the viewer into the lives of the artists.

This view of art was an incredibly new view for me because I am used to hiding the work aspect by “being professional” and just showing the finished product. It was and still is hard for me to apply this new view to other artistic endeavors. For example, when I think about applying this to my acting I realize that it is contrary to everything that I know about the theater because it puts too much emphasis on the artist behind the character. I feel that it works more for dance, and especially for this piece, because the relationships that we had were birthed by our own physical interactions with the choreographer and we could deepen our sense of character by relying on our own rich friendships. I hope to continue to wrestle with the ideas of what makes art in the future as I continue to dance and act. However, I also know that with any great journey the more questions that you can answer, the more questions you’ll have so I am excited to see what new questions arise.

However, this piece and the entire process have also helped alter my view of the world outside of the theatrical and dance realm. I feel that the piece has helped me find increased comfort and ease within my body. Oddly, I feel that the work has changed the way that I walk, simply everyday walking because I am aware of how I am holding myself in a more detailed way. Before the class I was comfortable in body and willing to assert myself physically and walk with purpose but those ideas have taken new shape inside my body. For example, before the class walking assertively was a somewhat generic arms back, chest out, eyes focused, rapid forward movement. Now when I think about carrying my body I don’t think of how it looks from the outside but more how I feel on the inside. I have come to the conclusion that if your face and mind emits assertive vibes than the rest of your body will naturally follow and you will not need to arch your back and force a feeling.

Also, on the physical level I have reached a richer connection to my limbs and I think I have a better understanding of their capabilities because of Elam’s descriptions. For example, I feel particularly more invested in the way I move my arms. I constantly think about Elam’s view of the arms as being innately linked to the action of the back and that when one lifts their arms they should be engaging their back as well. I find myself thinking of this even when I am performing mundane tasks, like reaching for a cereal box on a high shelf. Because I have seen a transformation in how I move, I have also been able to appreciate and be more confident in my physical self. I used to dislike my arms; I thought they were rather ugly. Now I think that since I see the work they are able to do and since I can appreciate their function more, I can also begin to appreciate their aesthetic value. Thus, I believe that my work during this class has not only changed the way I move as a dancer but also the way I move as a person and how I view my body.

Lastly, I believe that Elam’s class has helped me acquire many news skills in addition to acquiring new viewpoints. I feel like a more adept partner because I think I have learned how to be a base and not just how to be the person lifted. I think I was more fully aware of the trust that others were willing to put in my lifting abilities when Morgan allowed me to try and support his weight on my legs. When I lifted Morgan I knew that I had grown as a dancer. I was not only physically strong enough to attempt the task but also emotionally strong enough to be trusted by my partner. I liked knowing that I could be trusted with someone’s body and I liked being able to relinquish my fears and trust myself with another person. Additionally, I feel that the class has made me a keen observer, an active and engaged outside eye. I have always actively watched dance and theater pieces but now I can watch them with an added perspective that makes me question the partnering of every situation, even a solo internal partnering. Thus, I have gained a new way of looking at movement because this course has challenged the way I think of movement itself.

Finally, I just want to reiterate that the course has helped me forge a genuine link between my mind and my body – I have been able to reconnect physical acts with emotions. Our fast-paced world often desensitizes us to the feelings behind our movements and the power of unspoken communication but I have rediscovered the richness of physical interaction through the work we’ve completed together.